I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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