Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
