i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
