I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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