Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
