u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How does it feel to date your dad?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
