On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
