At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
