I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
