Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
