Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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