I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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