I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize