you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
