everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
