He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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