Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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