What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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