i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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