my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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