you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
