This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
MIDGETS
????
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
