I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
