Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
