yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
