whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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