You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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