you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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