I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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