She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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