At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
