the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
