I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize