I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
