what if every blade of grass was a penis?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize