nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i already hear my dad disowning me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
