the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
