I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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