dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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