i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
