You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
