I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
