Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
