It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
