Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
