i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
