Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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