And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
