You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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