I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize