So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Nicole vs. Life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
