i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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