does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
