i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
