I want to stick my p in your. b.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
