oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
3 2 1 whiskey
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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