WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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