my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
