just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
