There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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