if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
