Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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