I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i need some magic done to my vagina
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
