he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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