your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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