I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
